Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
