she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
