I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
