Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
