Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
