??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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