That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
