I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
