Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
that is very illegal...i love you.
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