actually, I'm a sock model
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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