it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
