a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
