a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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