He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Did I show you my penis last night?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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