i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
