4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
