Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
