Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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