how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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