Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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