I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
