You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
