tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
