I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
vagina is talking i cant
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
