at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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