i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
