I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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