I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
