so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
