We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
