did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
