WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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