Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
