and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
