I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
