There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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