What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
