Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
