I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
