you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
