Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
