i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
