This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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