Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Couch. On fire.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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