can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
