Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
