so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
