Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
