I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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