Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
