I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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