Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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