It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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