10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
