i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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